Since the students are preparing for graduation and I don't have any classes, I did what any good ALT would do, I spent my time looking up Pirate Jokes online. Here are some of the ones that I weird out my colleagues by laughing really loud at my desk for no apparent reason! Rrrrrrrrr me maties!
1. This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?" And the pirate says... Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!
2. What is a pirate's favorite letter?
Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
3. A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
4. So this pirate walks into a bar, with a paper towel on his head.. he sits down, has a few drinks, and sure as the sun shines, the bartender's curiosity finally gets the best of him, and says to the pirate "hey there guy, don't you know that you have a paper towel on your head?" to which the pirate responds "AARRR matey, that's no paper towel, that's a BOUNTY on me head!"
5. Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It’s rated AARRRR!
And do you know why?
Because of all the booty!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Car + Leslie = Trouble
As those sages of wisdom in the band Queen say, "Another one bites the dust!" Two cars down, bring on the next one.
As many of you know, since you either visited me in the hospital or I emailed you, I was involved in a car accident on Friday the 23. It was an unfortunate accident that left me car-less and incredibly bruised and sore.
The story, which has been told more times than I can count, goes like this:
On Friday afternoon I was headed into Matsue (the big city about 30 minutes away) for a meeting about the upcoming English camp that I am on the committee for. About five minutes away from my school someone pulled out in front of me on Rt 24. I had to make a split second decision to either swerve or hit the car in front of me, so I decided to swerve. I didn't think about it but just reacted. Then the next 10 seconds were the scariest of my life. I was only going about 50 kilometers (about 35mph) but since he pulled out right in front of me I had no time to stop. So I swerved to avoid him (thank the Lord there was no on coming traffic), then I over corrected, and finally lost control, crashing into a guard rail. At first the wind was knocked out of me because of the impact, so after everything stopped I just sat there writhing in pain. Two men in a truck stopped to help me. They turned off the car, asked if I was alright, and pulled me away from the driver's side because there was glass everywhere. I had destroyed the entire driver's side. The car was totaled. As most of you know, there is not much to a Kei-car. I had no airbags or other safety features, basically I was driving a tin box on wheels. Also, I didn't leave a scratch on the guard rail! The guard rail is made out of steel and my car was made out of wood and paper I think, (don't worry, traditional Japanese wood and paper, so that makes it ok!). I wasn't really upset till I thought the guy who pulled out in front of me had left. Turns out he hadn't! So I called my supervisor and Todd, they both came out to the scene to wait with me while the ambulance came. Todd rode the bike from our house to the accident as fast as he could,(sweet boy!) and my high school students made fun of him as he rode past (little devils!). So the man who caused the accident came to the hospital with his insurance representative. They have to work out who has to pay what percentage of the accident. I know it sounds strange but if you are in your car and the engine is on, then you are somewhat responsible for the accident. So my supervisor said I will probably have to pay 20% or 30%, which means I won't pay anything and I will only receive about 70%-80% from the guy who caused the accident. And in true Japan fashion the guy returned later to give me a gift and to apologize. The guy was quite young I think, maybe 19 or 20 years old. He said that he just didn't look when he pulled out, confirming it was his fault. So when he came to the hospital he brought his mother, perhaps she drove! Anyway, they gave me a gift and when they went to leave they bowed deeply to show their respect but the boy didn't bow deep enough for his mother's taste and she pushed him down to bow deeper. It was hilarious! I couldn't bow because I was in bed and injured but it wouldn't have mattered to me one way or another. But it was an interesting piece of culture to witness. As for the those injuries I have terrible whip lash, some nasty bruising along my right side, chest pains (probably from the seat belt), and a very sore right leg. I didn't fracture or tear anything which is good but they made me stay in the hospital for three days for observation. That was worse than the accident. It was boring and the food was not great! In Japan they have socialized health care so it shouldn't cost much for the stay, x-rays, or medication (yeah socialized medicine!!) I healed a lot being made to stay in bed. Also the best part was that everyone came and visited me! I got lots of tasty food from a whole pineapple to folder about the meeting I missed from Will.
I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who came and visited me. It meant a lot to me that you took the time to come and see me. I appreciate it so much. While I did look like I was faking it, since I was not visibly injured, it was nice to talk about what happened with all of you because it was quite traumatic. I am not good at showing any kind of seriousness in those situations. I just want to joke about it or write it off. But just know that it meant so much to me to see all of your love and concern!!!!!
Thank You to:
Maddy, Heidi, Rob, Gabi, Jo, Emily, Cat, Will, Nicola, Ksenia, Jen, John, Janelle Y., Lena, Janelle J., Hugh, Naoko and her family (my supervisor), Sara (by whom I was harassed via email while she couldn't be there in person) and last but certainly not least Todd! I don't know how I would manage without his strength and hilarity! I am a very very lucky girl to be so loved by so many people.
As many of you know, since you either visited me in the hospital or I emailed you, I was involved in a car accident on Friday the 23. It was an unfortunate accident that left me car-less and incredibly bruised and sore.
The story, which has been told more times than I can count, goes like this:
On Friday afternoon I was headed into Matsue (the big city about 30 minutes away) for a meeting about the upcoming English camp that I am on the committee for. About five minutes away from my school someone pulled out in front of me on Rt 24. I had to make a split second decision to either swerve or hit the car in front of me, so I decided to swerve. I didn't think about it but just reacted. Then the next 10 seconds were the scariest of my life. I was only going about 50 kilometers (about 35mph) but since he pulled out right in front of me I had no time to stop. So I swerved to avoid him (thank the Lord there was no on coming traffic), then I over corrected, and finally lost control, crashing into a guard rail. At first the wind was knocked out of me because of the impact, so after everything stopped I just sat there writhing in pain. Two men in a truck stopped to help me. They turned off the car, asked if I was alright, and pulled me away from the driver's side because there was glass everywhere. I had destroyed the entire driver's side. The car was totaled. As most of you know, there is not much to a Kei-car. I had no airbags or other safety features, basically I was driving a tin box on wheels. Also, I didn't leave a scratch on the guard rail! The guard rail is made out of steel and my car was made out of wood and paper I think, (don't worry, traditional Japanese wood and paper, so that makes it ok!). I wasn't really upset till I thought the guy who pulled out in front of me had left. Turns out he hadn't! So I called my supervisor and Todd, they both came out to the scene to wait with me while the ambulance came. Todd rode the bike from our house to the accident as fast as he could,(sweet boy!) and my high school students made fun of him as he rode past (little devils!). So the man who caused the accident came to the hospital with his insurance representative. They have to work out who has to pay what percentage of the accident. I know it sounds strange but if you are in your car and the engine is on, then you are somewhat responsible for the accident. So my supervisor said I will probably have to pay 20% or 30%, which means I won't pay anything and I will only receive about 70%-80% from the guy who caused the accident. And in true Japan fashion the guy returned later to give me a gift and to apologize. The guy was quite young I think, maybe 19 or 20 years old. He said that he just didn't look when he pulled out, confirming it was his fault. So when he came to the hospital he brought his mother, perhaps she drove! Anyway, they gave me a gift and when they went to leave they bowed deeply to show their respect but the boy didn't bow deep enough for his mother's taste and she pushed him down to bow deeper. It was hilarious! I couldn't bow because I was in bed and injured but it wouldn't have mattered to me one way or another. But it was an interesting piece of culture to witness. As for the those injuries I have terrible whip lash, some nasty bruising along my right side, chest pains (probably from the seat belt), and a very sore right leg. I didn't fracture or tear anything which is good but they made me stay in the hospital for three days for observation. That was worse than the accident. It was boring and the food was not great! In Japan they have socialized health care so it shouldn't cost much for the stay, x-rays, or medication (yeah socialized medicine!!) I healed a lot being made to stay in bed. Also the best part was that everyone came and visited me! I got lots of tasty food from a whole pineapple to folder about the meeting I missed from Will.
I want to say THANK YOU to everyone who came and visited me. It meant a lot to me that you took the time to come and see me. I appreciate it so much. While I did look like I was faking it, since I was not visibly injured, it was nice to talk about what happened with all of you because it was quite traumatic. I am not good at showing any kind of seriousness in those situations. I just want to joke about it or write it off. But just know that it meant so much to me to see all of your love and concern!!!!!
Thank You to:
Maddy, Heidi, Rob, Gabi, Jo, Emily, Cat, Will, Nicola, Ksenia, Jen, John, Janelle Y., Lena, Janelle J., Hugh, Naoko and her family (my supervisor), Sara (by whom I was harassed via email while she couldn't be there in person) and last but certainly not least Todd! I don't know how I would manage without his strength and hilarity! I am a very very lucky girl to be so loved by so many people.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
My secret life
So I figured it was time to come clean with my other secret life. I know, you are all disappointed to hear this. I have been such a pillar in the community thus far and now I will forever ruin a possibly glorious future. So here it is:
I live with Todd and we are not married. (Pause) Now I am waiting for the sky to open up and the fury of God the almighty to punish me for all that I have done wrong. (Waiting.... Waiting.....) Well apparently God is not as angry as he was in the old testament.
So the reason for me telling you about my secret life is that it recently became an issue with my school. For seven months Todd has been living with me. He has got a visa and works for Nova (a private English school). Since it didn't say anything in my contract about other people living with me I assumed it was fine if I spent the second year of JET living with my boyfriend. After seven months the school finally piped up and decided to tell me that he is not allowed to live with me. They said it was for insurance purposes and the fact that single women are not allowed to live with men, it give the students a bad impression.
This is how my Tuesday unfolded. I came to work and taught two classes that were mostly successful. The students have exams coming up so we just reviewed for the tests. Then my supervisor came to my desk after lunch. I should be more wary when she initiates conversations at my desk but of course I was happy to talk with her. Then she informed me that Todd is not allowed to live with me. (Fair enough if that is the rule). But since I have only five months left in Japan the school will talk to the Land Lord and if it is cool with her, then we could stay until we leave. Five minutes after she leaves my desk Will calls. He informs me that my vice principal called his boss asking for advice about this "situation". Will and I talked about my position and what were my options for a while. Then my supervisor returned. This time she took a chair and sat with me to talk. She explained that unless the Land Lord was OK with Todd staying he would have to move out. She also took full responsibility for never giving me the housing agreement, for it not being in English so I can read it, and for not telling me that Todd was prohibited from living with me in the first place. She is wonderful. She didn't even seem to be too worried, which made me feel a lot better. Now we just sit and wait for the Land Lord to make a decision.
You may be wondering how this all started after seven months. Apparently one of the JTEs that I am not fond of asked the vice principal yesterday whether it was alright if a man lived with the ALT. So then the vice principal was required to investigate the matter. I am completely pissed it was one of my JTEs but not surprised it was this JTE. While we work well together it appears that everyone dislikes him and the students hate him. The students have often talked to me about him and even in broken English they came across crystal clear about their feelings for him. While that is a trifling matter, it does make me feel better. But this is a obvious case of don't ask, don't tell. Everyone knew Todd was living with me, we didn't hide the fact because we didn't think it was wrong. So everyone just chose not to talk about it, in a very Japanese style, and therefore it did not exist. Once someone breathed a word of it, it suddenly became real. They are completely non-confrontational so no one came to me right away to work on the problem. Instead they called around and told everyone in the school besides me. Did I mention that I am terribly excited to get the hell out of Japan!?!
Don't worry though, we have options.
#1: The first one and probably the easiest is to tell them that Todd and I are engaged. While I don't know how telling them we are engaged is going to help the insurance issue of this ordeal, it will let Todd live out our last 5 months together without being harassed. The school will know it is a lie, we will know it is a lie, and you know it is a lie. But if no one actually says or asks if it is a lie, then it doesn't exist. (I am getting good at this Japanese stuff).
#2: The other option is to tell them that Todd will move out and it will take him five months to find an apartment, which is not as crazy as it seems. This is Japan, doing things like finding housing can take a very long time because it has to be a formal procedure (lots of bowing and meaningless phrases to utter before you can move in).
#3:An easy option is for me to lie and say that Todd has moved out and is just visiting from time to time. Unless they stop by my house at 11pm every night to see who is sleeping in my bed, they won't be able to stop him from being there.
#4: And the last option is for us both to actually move out. This might be the one I like the most but it is the most impractical. First, the Land Lord is not going to find another person soon to move into the house, so she will be out 5 months of rent. There is not a new ALT coming so her contract with be stopped with the school. And if I did get an apartment, it would be in Matsue. This means I would have to commute but most of the teachers here do anyway and I could live in a city where the grocery stores stay open after 8pm. This will be hell though, moving, packing, finding a place, paying rent, blah blah blah!
After being a bit scared yesterday, then embarrassed, then angry, I am finally calm. This whole deal is out of my hands. All I can do is sit and wait. I would like to say that the next morning, at morning meeting where all the teachers gather to hear announcements, the vice principal asked if there were any boyfriend questions. What questions would any of the other teachers have about my boyfriend? Do they want to know that I am in a healthy, safe, monogamous relationship? And instead of sleeping with random people at parties, sexually harassing young men/women, going to snack bars to hold hands with women illegally brought here for the sex trade, or have a revolving door of sexual partners, I have decided to live with my boyfriend. I can see why they are upset!
I know this is Japan and they are ass backwards with anything involving women but I am going to say this anyway. Why is it necessary for my place of employment to police my personal life? Why is it acceptable to announce my personal life to my co-workers in a meeting? Does it hurt anyone if I live with a man? Do you feel bad? Is my vice principal laying awake at night worrying about what I am doing to myself? This recent incident solidifies the fact that I will never marry. I don't need my life validated by marriage. Am I less of a person because I am unwed? I hate the way Japan treats women. I am an equal in society, whether that is Japanese society or American society. I can't wait to tell Japan where they can stick it come July.
I live with Todd and we are not married. (Pause) Now I am waiting for the sky to open up and the fury of God the almighty to punish me for all that I have done wrong. (Waiting.... Waiting.....) Well apparently God is not as angry as he was in the old testament.
So the reason for me telling you about my secret life is that it recently became an issue with my school. For seven months Todd has been living with me. He has got a visa and works for Nova (a private English school). Since it didn't say anything in my contract about other people living with me I assumed it was fine if I spent the second year of JET living with my boyfriend. After seven months the school finally piped up and decided to tell me that he is not allowed to live with me. They said it was for insurance purposes and the fact that single women are not allowed to live with men, it give the students a bad impression.
This is how my Tuesday unfolded. I came to work and taught two classes that were mostly successful. The students have exams coming up so we just reviewed for the tests. Then my supervisor came to my desk after lunch. I should be more wary when she initiates conversations at my desk but of course I was happy to talk with her. Then she informed me that Todd is not allowed to live with me. (Fair enough if that is the rule). But since I have only five months left in Japan the school will talk to the Land Lord and if it is cool with her, then we could stay until we leave. Five minutes after she leaves my desk Will calls. He informs me that my vice principal called his boss asking for advice about this "situation". Will and I talked about my position and what were my options for a while. Then my supervisor returned. This time she took a chair and sat with me to talk. She explained that unless the Land Lord was OK with Todd staying he would have to move out. She also took full responsibility for never giving me the housing agreement, for it not being in English so I can read it, and for not telling me that Todd was prohibited from living with me in the first place. She is wonderful. She didn't even seem to be too worried, which made me feel a lot better. Now we just sit and wait for the Land Lord to make a decision.
You may be wondering how this all started after seven months. Apparently one of the JTEs that I am not fond of asked the vice principal yesterday whether it was alright if a man lived with the ALT. So then the vice principal was required to investigate the matter. I am completely pissed it was one of my JTEs but not surprised it was this JTE. While we work well together it appears that everyone dislikes him and the students hate him. The students have often talked to me about him and even in broken English they came across crystal clear about their feelings for him. While that is a trifling matter, it does make me feel better. But this is a obvious case of don't ask, don't tell. Everyone knew Todd was living with me, we didn't hide the fact because we didn't think it was wrong. So everyone just chose not to talk about it, in a very Japanese style, and therefore it did not exist. Once someone breathed a word of it, it suddenly became real. They are completely non-confrontational so no one came to me right away to work on the problem. Instead they called around and told everyone in the school besides me. Did I mention that I am terribly excited to get the hell out of Japan!?!
Don't worry though, we have options.
#1: The first one and probably the easiest is to tell them that Todd and I are engaged. While I don't know how telling them we are engaged is going to help the insurance issue of this ordeal, it will let Todd live out our last 5 months together without being harassed. The school will know it is a lie, we will know it is a lie, and you know it is a lie. But if no one actually says or asks if it is a lie, then it doesn't exist. (I am getting good at this Japanese stuff).
#2: The other option is to tell them that Todd will move out and it will take him five months to find an apartment, which is not as crazy as it seems. This is Japan, doing things like finding housing can take a very long time because it has to be a formal procedure (lots of bowing and meaningless phrases to utter before you can move in).
#3:An easy option is for me to lie and say that Todd has moved out and is just visiting from time to time. Unless they stop by my house at 11pm every night to see who is sleeping in my bed, they won't be able to stop him from being there.
#4: And the last option is for us both to actually move out. This might be the one I like the most but it is the most impractical. First, the Land Lord is not going to find another person soon to move into the house, so she will be out 5 months of rent. There is not a new ALT coming so her contract with be stopped with the school. And if I did get an apartment, it would be in Matsue. This means I would have to commute but most of the teachers here do anyway and I could live in a city where the grocery stores stay open after 8pm. This will be hell though, moving, packing, finding a place, paying rent, blah blah blah!
After being a bit scared yesterday, then embarrassed, then angry, I am finally calm. This whole deal is out of my hands. All I can do is sit and wait. I would like to say that the next morning, at morning meeting where all the teachers gather to hear announcements, the vice principal asked if there were any boyfriend questions. What questions would any of the other teachers have about my boyfriend? Do they want to know that I am in a healthy, safe, monogamous relationship? And instead of sleeping with random people at parties, sexually harassing young men/women, going to snack bars to hold hands with women illegally brought here for the sex trade, or have a revolving door of sexual partners, I have decided to live with my boyfriend. I can see why they are upset!
I know this is Japan and they are ass backwards with anything involving women but I am going to say this anyway. Why is it necessary for my place of employment to police my personal life? Why is it acceptable to announce my personal life to my co-workers in a meeting? Does it hurt anyone if I live with a man? Do you feel bad? Is my vice principal laying awake at night worrying about what I am doing to myself? This recent incident solidifies the fact that I will never marry. I don't need my life validated by marriage. Am I less of a person because I am unwed? I hate the way Japan treats women. I am an equal in society, whether that is Japanese society or American society. I can't wait to tell Japan where they can stick it come July.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow!
Today saw the first heavy fall of snow for the winter in Shimane. It was so beautiful when I woke up this morning. Like my students say, "Shimane has many natures" and indeed they couldn't be more correct. The weather may be crappy most of the time, the roads narrow, the people crazy, and the heating of buildings inefficient, but they do have a beautiful landscape. I love all the jagged mountains and the beautiful scenes that you can witness from any high point in the valley I inhabit. I will probably miss this the most of Japan because it doesn't matter how much you photograph it you won't be able to really capture the effect of seeing it in real life. I know, cause I have been trying to capture it for two years!
Well here are some pictures of what I woke up to this morni
ng!
ng!This is the view from the second story of the school. It appears the baseball team won't be able to practice on the field today. I did tell you that they practice their sports year round and if it gets too cold for the players, that is when you break out the barrel of fire for the kids to stand around like hobos under a bridge. Somewhere in that direction is my house as well.
This is a picture of the road on the way to school. I had to keep getting out of the way of the parents who drive incredibly fast after they drop off their students at school. Apparently they have no concept of the fact that you drive slowly around a school or in the snow!
Notice something strange about this picture? I guess even when it snows you don't have to close the doors. Would it make the school a more tolerable place to spend you whole day if they tried to keep the whole building warm just by closing the doors? Maybe. But no, it makes you stronger to be constantly cold and it gives you idle conversation topics to comment about how cold it is every 15 seconds! Plus, you are rest assured that you are not going to become asphyxiated by the kerosene fumes if you don't heat the whole building. With things like leaving doors open in winter and kerosene heating, I think it is good they are not subjecting another foreigner to this torture next year!
And this last photo is a crooked shot of my school. It is a corridor between the buildings. It may have open doors and windows but at least it has a roof to keep the snow from falling directly in. And snow blowing in through a doorway is quite pretty actually. Maybe that is why they do it?!
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